Yesterday I found myself at a crossroads. At an all time low. For the past months I have been struggling with my faith. Forgetting what it was that kept me going to the Orthodox Church, it's the fellowship, the family that your church in a sense becomes. The ability to be completely pulled up and carried when you are going through a struggle by those around you. The people who have reached out to me in the past 24 hours are a life-line. They have expressed there same frustrations, the fact that they have been right there with me, something I truly desperately needed. They have offered words of encouragement, suggestions on the upcoming years and I am so grateful to having such an amazing network of support. Not only to my Orthodox friends but also the ones who were there to say we love you and no matter what we will support you through this and ultimately with whatever decision you decide to make.
Before jumping ship ( ;)) to another religion I have a lot of work to do. Currently 18 weeks pregnant with our second child I have felt myself torn religiously and in doing this it has put me at a pause with baptizing baby #2 in a specific faith. I have the next months to really decide what path it is going to be. I need to rediscover the Orthodox Faith. It is rooted in tradition, this strong root can sometimes leave it seeming monotonous..Sometimes you think, did we have to sing that hymn three times.... in three different languages? But there is meaning in all of it. I have lost my touch with that meaning.
I have grown up in this faith and gone to hours of Sunday School, attended St. Mary's camp for 12 years. I feel like I shouldn't be at this place right now but I imagine faith is like anything. You need to keep constantly educating and keeping yourself current with it, otherwise you will lose it.
God Bless, and good morning.
The Kangas Family
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