We just got back from church. Joel was working, which he works most Sunday's. And I tried to brave it at the Orthodox church with one parent. My daughter is extremely active and the 1 1/2 service gets to be a lot for her. The service today was two and a half hours long... I have a two and a half year old daughter. That is just too long to expect a child that age to sit, let alone quietly! When adressing this issue the response I got back was that's the way it's been done for 2,000 years. I don't know if kids sat better 2,000 years ago but as a parent I'm exhausted right now. I played the church dance for about 45 minutes in church with Olivia. Trying everything I could to possibly keep her quiet until she accidently let the kneeling bar down on the woman sitting next to us slamming her foot. We then went to the back of the church and eventually ended up outside. The cry room which the church has because it does not believe in nurseries did not help because the volume of the service was turned so high. None of the parents could keep there child in it. After two and a half hour I had a toddler on complete meltdown, now into her naptime and to be honest I was also about to lose it. We have recently been going to the Catholic church, Joel (my husband) is Catholic and I have felt for the first time in years as if I'm getting something out of the service. The constant in and out and trying to keep my daughter quiet leaves me craving more from the service. At Risen Savior they have a nursery which Olivia goes and plays and we pick her up at the end of the service.
To be honest I feel like I am turning my back on the religion I grew up on. I was raised Orthodox in the church, but now having a small child I don't know if I can do it. I've been told that part of having children in the church means the mother isn't going to be able to really be in church for a while. Sometimes years. Am I a bad person by saying I'm not 100% okay with not getting anything out of the service for that long? Working as a teacher for the past year from a developmental standpoint I can say 100% that expecting a child to sit and quietly for 2 1/2 hours is not appropriate.
Does this make me a bad parent? The fact that my child can't sit quietly for that long? I'm so incredibly torn. Part of me is upset with myself because my child will not sit still and quiet for that long but the other of my part is screaming... She's two years old... What do you expect of a two year old? I'm so incredibly upset and torn and I feel like my frustrations and concerns are not being heard.
Just at a loss for words....
It is not realistic to expect Olivia to sit for that long because the church expects that. You do no dishonor to your faith by attending to Olivia first; if you need to go to a service on a Sunday, and Joel is working, let m know. I can stay with Olivia if you want to go to church. The fine points of any religious faith mean nothing to a 2-3 year old, and it isn't fair to her, or the other churchgoers, to inflict that distress on them.
ReplyDeleteHi again Jenny. I just posted on Facebook, but I can't shut up. Forgive me, but did you hear Thanos screaming today :). Yes, I can relate! I just had Yiannis read this post because I wanted him to see a mom's struggle - one that is very common in the Orthodox Church.
ReplyDeleteHis response was good, but I am biased :). As Orthodox we have children in the church because we want them there. They belong there...they are part of the Kingdom of God as well. If we really want them there, then we have to be ok with them acting like children as well. It is not ok for people to expect them to sit quietly the whole time. The church is their home, and they need to feel comfortable there. Now granted, 2.5 hours is too long for them, so we will play the dancing game as well...and I think that is a while other topic of how we as parents worship when our attention is on our kids. For now, part of going to church/worship is not only getting something but giving of ourselves simply by the struggle of being there. Also, our hearts can engage even if our minds aren't able to focus on any of the prayers.
I grew up Protestant, and in nurseries and Sunday School Class during church. I taught Sunday School in the Protestant Church, and honestly churches that have nurseries see kids as a distraction. Somehow the adults are doing something too serious and holy and can't be distracted by squirming, yelling kids. But Christ is the first to welcome the children, as we should be as well...but, yes, as children not as perfect adults.
You guys should come sit by us (and come and go as you please...we don't mind!). Olivia and Thanos can flirt, and Thanos is continually putting the kneeling thing up and down... Also, it does help to be in the front where they can see.
Give me a call if you want to talk more :). Forgive me if I wasn't helpful at all!
Elisabeth